But there is a potentially flawed assumption in that logic. Before you can communicate anything, you must ensure the recipient is ready and open to receiving your communication. Better yet, if they are truly enthusiastic about listening to you, then your message will have a much higher probability of being received.

So how do we make sure others are listening? If you want others to listen more, become the deep listener you hope to see.

To become a better listener, you will have to do some basic things, like making an intentional decision to strengthen your listening skills. You will need to bring more energy and focus to your listening opportunities.

You have probably heard “listening is important.” That may seem like common sense, but how often do we describe what we should be doing as common sense? It happens a lot, and that is because common sense does not always translate into “common practice.”

Most people make two “common” assumptions when it comes to listening:

1. They believe they are better listeners than those around them.
2. They believe listening is an easy skill that can be “turned on” whenever needed.

But many of us don’t listen well, and unlike reading, writing and arithmetic, we probably were not taught how to listen in school — and most have not had formal training on the skill upon graduation. How many classes did you take on listening during your path to becoming an accountant? If you are like most, the answer is none.

Poor listening, which is too common, leads to many negative results. Have you ever heard someone talk about…

• A boss they don’t like? “He doesn’t listen.” 
• A relationship that failed? “We never listened to each other.”
• A business transaction that fell through? “We were never on the same page.”

Translation: Neither party really listened to the other.

Listening is a difficult skill to master

Becoming a deep listener is not common sense either. It is one of the most difficult skills to master.
Why is that?

Listening is difficult because we are programmed to think a lot faster than people talk. Think about the last time you had to just sit there and listen to another person speak. Maybe it was a sermon or a lecture.

During the time you were listening to that other person speak, your brain was working at a much faster pace than the other person was talking. You cannot help it. It is difficult to slow down your thought processes. So the challenge becomes — What do you do with all that extra “space?”

• Focus on the speaker. Mentally put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
• Hunt for the message behind their message. Why are they saying what they are saying? How are they feeling as they are saying it? You’ll need to read their body language and tone to figure this out.
• Ensure you understand exactly what they are saying. Focus on clarity. Ask clarifying questions and repeat back your interpretation of what they are saying.

Listen more to lead more

The business world is accelerating and technology allows us to communicate in ways we never could just a few years back. But think about some of those big moments when you and another “connected” in a way that helped you not only execute but also enhance the relationship.

Chances are, those moments were live. Chances are, those moments were intimate. Chances are, those moments involved solid communication and listening skills. Chances are, a personal relationship has been built up over the years based on effective communication. Chances are, those people mean a lot to you because they LISTEN to you.

If you reflect, you probably know what deep listening feels like, because it’s the people who are most important to you who listen deeply to you. Do you have a favorite aunt or uncle? A favorite colleague? A best friend? They are probably your “favorite” because they do one simple thing: They listen to you, and it makes you feel important.

Those types of feelings should not be reserved for out-of-office situations. Business is about relationships, and no matter what people might say, business is also about friendships. We help people we like and we want to work with people we like inside and outside the office walls. Guess what? We “like” listeners.

Better listening will lead to better results in your career. These results include:

• More productivity. You remember and process information better, which leads to faster actions.
• Faster learning. You don’t have to hear it twice.
• Enhanced relationships. You develop trust because both parties know the other person is willing and able to listen.

When your cohorts KNOW that you will provide them an active ear, when they can assume that you will fully listen before a conversation has even begun, a few magical things will start to happen:

• They will feel more confident.
• They will feel more secure.
• They will feel more supported.
• They will feel more open.
• They will want to return your overtures in kind. Yes, they will WANT to listen to you also!

“Excuses” for being a poor listener

• I don’t have time! If you don’t have time to actively listen to another, then don’t! Reschedule your meeting so you can show respect and be a fully engaged listener. “I don’t have time right now to provide you my full attention and you deserve that, so can we talk later?”
• There are too many distractions! Take some ownership of the situation. If there are physical distractions or interruptions in your current environment, then change it. “Can we take a minute and jump into the conference room? I want to make sure I can hear you out.”
• I disagree with everything you are saying! It is easy to fill the space in your mind with rebuttals when you are judging every word because you disagree. Try something new next time. Fully hear their side by taking their side. Try and disprove your assumptions and preconceived notions by listening for negative evidence against your own position. After they are fully heard, then you can make your evaluation. It’s hard to do this, but great practice!

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Brian Kush, CPA, CISA, CITP, is a leadership coach and president at Moxie Partners, and author of “Auditing Leadership” (Wiley, July 2009). Contact him at brian@moxiepartners.com or (571) 313-1735.